Befriending Death: A gentle point of entry into right relationship with mortality

Death is a universal human experience. It is a rite of passage through which we all must cross. Rites of passage are meant to be honored and guided with intention and care. Historically, most every culture has kept rich traditions to honor death. Elders took pride of place as stewards of lifeways.

Modern culture has by and large lost those skills. Our society is predicated on perpetual growth and expansion. It is woven into everything we do. We fetishize youth, beauty, and vitality, and banish the dying to the shadows. This is inherently out of accord with earth’s cycles of life and death. 

Death, loss, and grief are not welcome in this culture. They pull at the thread of the lie of endless growth, and threaten to unravel the whole fabric. As we age and die, it can leave us feeling a mixture of deep isolation, rage, grief, powerlessness, worthlessness, and shame. 

In absence of a death affirming culture, we lose our appreciation for the essential gifts of elderhood. We recoil from signs of age and of our own mortality. When we turn away from aging in favor of endless summer, we lose the wisdom that comes in the winter of our lives. We lose our healthy appreciation for the change and renewal that are necessary functions of death. 

This is not merely a personal loss, rather a loss that ripples through our communities, forward into future generations and backward into our ancestral lineage. When we resist death, we risk thwarting the new, gestating world that’s coming. 

We need elders to nurture and initiate our youth. We need them to hear the rageful call to action of our adolescents’ rebellion and welcome change. We need to see you embrace death. We need to honor your life and know that like you, we are a part of everything. We need embodied elders to guide and initiate us into this portal of change on earth more now than ever.